hope

From The Mouths Of Women

sundaribliss7 Comments

I’m often surprised by people. More specifically I’m surprised by how unknowingly some of us are harming others. I’ve made a lot of big shifts in my life over the last couple of years and it’s been the reactions of others that make me realize why some people are so scared to do the same in their own lives. 

Here are some of the changes I’ve made, the things I hear, and why I think women need to DO BETTER.

3 years ago, I made the decision to sell everything I own and turn a school bus into a Tiny Home to travel around the United States for 2 years. I wanted to see America, lead workshops for women and start a podcast on Youtube.

Reactions:

Actual laughter. 

So you think you’re gonna be some sort of Youtube star or something? 

Why would you ever live in a bus? 

Aren’t we a little old for this?

Insert jaw dropped and a tear in the corner of my eye.

Any time a woman comes to you with a dream, you should be supporting her. Any time a woman has decided that she’d like to live bigger, or do more, or step outside of her comfort zone figure out a way to help her get closer. Save your jokes and your eye rolls for your alone time and your mirror. Your sarcasm screams of fear. It tells me that you think your time exploring your own passions has expired. Stop projecting your limiting self beliefs on to brave women. Maybe she isn’t brave and she’s just TRYING to be brave. Your comments could scare her enough not to try. How dare you?

Living in a Skoolie was an INCREDIBLE experience! Hard, but worth it. And now I own a home. HERE is that podcast by the way! And no, I didn’t have plans to become a Youtube star. I just wanted to have dope conversations about things that mattered to me. Mission accomplished! And I wouldn’t change a thing!

Recently, I made a truly hard choice to walk away from a toxic marriage. This was not a rash decision or one that I take lightly. I posted about my leaving on social media after the decision had been made and with the support of my tribe that carried me through.

Reactions in my DM’s:

You need to update me! 

WTH? How come I don’t know this? 

Give me the DEETS girl!

Where is your husband?

RUDE. AS. FUCK. 

If you and I were close, then you already knew. If you heard about it on social media then perhaps you should pause and ask yourself when the last time was that you and I spoke? Or you reached out to me? Are we actually friends? 

When you read that a woman has left a relationship. Left a marriage. Left her home? Offer support first and temper your questions with some warmth and grace. 

I am ESPECIALLY dumbfounded by white women doing this! During this Civil Rights Movement, I’ve detailed instances of being chased out of towns by racist cops. Of the fear we felt traveling through America. Of having to be ferried from a rest stop to a stranger’s home so that we had a safe space to sleep. If you didn’t DM me demanding details then? Then, again, how dare you? If you have a Black friend in your life and you didn’t SHOW UP over the last year, believe me when I say she is not interested in sharing any part of herself with you now. 

Here are a few beautiful messages I received: 

I saw your post, and please know if you need anything I’m here for you.

I know that we haven’t been in touch in a while but I hope you know I’m here if you need a friend.

Now, this one below?? It’s shocking how many of these I’ve gotten.

I’m so sorry for you and for all of these changes you’re having to make.

I’m sorry for you when you write this… The assumption is that women must be sad and worse off now that they are alone. That changes are bad. Your first reaction is pity. Why? 

Why is your internal belief that being in “something” must be better than being with just yourself?

The BEST message I received?

Go Head Girl! I don’t know what happened but I know this shit is tricky and I hope you land in joy and peace and happiness!

YES

Speak hope in to women’s ears! Congratulate them on choosing themselves. Let them know it may be hard but that it WILL work out. Women don’t need pity. We need other women in our corners roaring along with us!

I write all of this because we need to DO BETTER. This time in history is fucking hard. We need each other. And we need to become more intentional about how we show up and how we care collectively. Watch your mouth! Not everyone’s ears have as much attitude as mine 🙂 What you say matters and can make all the difference in a woman’s life and the direction she takes. Be part of her progress.

Namaste Y’all

Things I’m Learning On The Road

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  • I haven’t had a mirror in the bus for 4 months. I broke the last one and we’ve just been too lazy to replace it. I wake up every morning, I brush my teeth and wash my face and I even manage to guess where my eyelid is as I apply eyeliner. I don’t usually get to a mirror until sometime after lunch. Turns out the world still turns and my face doesn’t change that much when I’m not checking on it every 20 seconds. Who knew?!?
  • We’ve been living in Yogaville for the last month or so and they should stop telling people that Verizon works here because that is a damn lie. The bus is a total dead zone and my cell really only works in the areas where talking on them isn’t allowed. I spent the first week running around like a crazed hamster looking for just ONE bar so that I could chat and gossip my free time away and then alas…. Ashram life won. Aside from work, I’ve done no gossiping and very little chatting and I have to say it’s been AMAZING! Half the time I don’t even know where my phone is. I’ve spent the last few years attached to it, waiting on a mama to go into labor so that I could jump into action as her Doula. The years before that I was attached to it waiting on news about my mother or father as they died. My nervous system welcomes the shift and I’m kinda dreading returning to four bar status 🙂
  • Builder burnout and crappy weather have given me the time to A) actually finish a book! Read Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine. It’s perfect. B) It’s allowed me hours of classes with new teachers here and my upcoming workshops are better for it. C) A vegan diet means my tits have said “sayonara” (for NOW) BUT it helped me figure out what foods were making me sick and itchy and I feel healthier than I have in a decade. D) It also meant that when my world was turned upside with news of a new brother, I had the space to process it and manage it. I waited a bit… he didn’t deserve the anger that I was holding. He didn’t need to be hit with alllll of the family nonsense at once. But eventually I called. He sounds just like my or I guess our father… (not sure how to say that yet) He laughs like him and he called me his little sister and even as I write this I cry because well damn it’s a lot… I told him about all of the good things… we talked about how he liked to make eggs and play chess and how he sang like Luther and spent his Sundays dunking on dudes on the court in Harlem. We laughed about the ugly sneakers he wore and the good way he hugged and we danced around the lies he told because maybe that’s best for another time but damn. I have a brother and our talk forced me to talk about the pros of life with my father which I haven’t thought about in years. I’m not sure who needed the conversation more but it felt good and I’m looking forward to our next one…

I knew that slow living would mean a lot of things. I anticipated becoming less vain. No one needs a face full of makeup living in the woods. I could have guessed that I would freak out about access to Internet and that eventually I would realize it was a first world problem and calm the fuck down. What I didn’t see coming was how perfectly it would “feed” my Yoga practice. We don’t practice being peaceful so that we can walk around levitating. We “practice” peace so that peace becomes an automatic response when life hits us with otherwise. Slow living gives me the time and space to dedicate to my practice which helps me respond better to my life. It’s not always easy on the road but I’ve found that my life has always expanded when I figured out how to peacefully manage what was hard….

Welp! It’s raining again… and I have a new book! Healing Herbal Infusions to get into. I hope you take some time to do a little slow living yourself this week. Cut something out to make space for something better. Feed what helps you cope. You deserve it.

Namaste Y’all