women

From The Mouths Of Women

sundaribliss7 Comments

I’m often surprised by people. More specifically I’m surprised by how unknowingly some of us are harming others. I’ve made a lot of big shifts in my life over the last couple of years and it’s been the reactions of others that make me realize why some people are so scared to do the same in their own lives. 

Here are some of the changes I’ve made, the things I hear, and why I think women need to DO BETTER.

3 years ago, I made the decision to sell everything I own and turn a school bus into a Tiny Home to travel around the United States for 2 years. I wanted to see America, lead workshops for women and start a podcast on Youtube.

Reactions:

Actual laughter. 

So you think you’re gonna be some sort of Youtube star or something? 

Why would you ever live in a bus? 

Aren’t we a little old for this?

Insert jaw dropped and a tear in the corner of my eye.

Any time a woman comes to you with a dream, you should be supporting her. Any time a woman has decided that she’d like to live bigger, or do more, or step outside of her comfort zone figure out a way to help her get closer. Save your jokes and your eye rolls for your alone time and your mirror. Your sarcasm screams of fear. It tells me that you think your time exploring your own passions has expired. Stop projecting your limiting self beliefs on to brave women. Maybe she isn’t brave and she’s just TRYING to be brave. Your comments could scare her enough not to try. How dare you?

Living in a Skoolie was an INCREDIBLE experience! Hard, but worth it. And now I own a home. HERE is that podcast by the way! And no, I didn’t have plans to become a Youtube star. I just wanted to have dope conversations about things that mattered to me. Mission accomplished! And I wouldn’t change a thing!

Recently, I made a truly hard choice to walk away from a toxic marriage. This was not a rash decision or one that I take lightly. I posted about my leaving on social media after the decision had been made and with the support of my tribe that carried me through.

Reactions in my DM’s:

You need to update me! 

WTH? How come I don’t know this? 

Give me the DEETS girl!

Where is your husband?

RUDE. AS. FUCK. 

If you and I were close, then you already knew. If you heard about it on social media then perhaps you should pause and ask yourself when the last time was that you and I spoke? Or you reached out to me? Are we actually friends? 

When you read that a woman has left a relationship. Left a marriage. Left her home? Offer support first and temper your questions with some warmth and grace. 

I am ESPECIALLY dumbfounded by white women doing this! During this Civil Rights Movement, I’ve detailed instances of being chased out of towns by racist cops. Of the fear we felt traveling through America. Of having to be ferried from a rest stop to a stranger’s home so that we had a safe space to sleep. If you didn’t DM me demanding details then? Then, again, how dare you? If you have a Black friend in your life and you didn’t SHOW UP over the last year, believe me when I say she is not interested in sharing any part of herself with you now. 

Here are a few beautiful messages I received: 

I saw your post, and please know if you need anything I’m here for you.

I know that we haven’t been in touch in a while but I hope you know I’m here if you need a friend.

Now, this one below?? It’s shocking how many of these I’ve gotten.

I’m so sorry for you and for all of these changes you’re having to make.

I’m sorry for you when you write this… The assumption is that women must be sad and worse off now that they are alone. That changes are bad. Your first reaction is pity. Why? 

Why is your internal belief that being in “something” must be better than being with just yourself?

The BEST message I received?

Go Head Girl! I don’t know what happened but I know this shit is tricky and I hope you land in joy and peace and happiness!

YES

Speak hope in to women’s ears! Congratulate them on choosing themselves. Let them know it may be hard but that it WILL work out. Women don’t need pity. We need other women in our corners roaring along with us!

I write all of this because we need to DO BETTER. This time in history is fucking hard. We need each other. And we need to become more intentional about how we show up and how we care collectively. Watch your mouth! Not everyone’s ears have as much attitude as mine 🙂 What you say matters and can make all the difference in a woman’s life and the direction she takes. Be part of her progress.

Namaste Y’all

WICKED

sundaribliss1 Comment

Up until a VERY embarrassing, but hilarious, audition for The Lion King in my 20’s I was convinced I was going to be a Broadway star. I started singing in Church around 5 years old, and spent most of my life in performing arts schools around NYC. I’ve long given up that dream, and I only sing at home now,  but to this day WICKED is one of my favorite musicals.

“Wicked” was translated from page to stage through Gregory Maguire’s novel “Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West”, and takes place some years before that tornado brought Dorothy from Kansas to the great Land of Oz.

Doctor Dillamond is an animal professor who tragically faces discrimination at the school. He finds friendship in Elphaba, who wants to help him fight against those trying to oppress him. 

Doctor Dillamond, Elphaba and Galinda go to visit the almighty Wizard of Oz, with the hopes he’ll put a stop to the intolerance. After a tragic mishap and a spell gone wrong, the Wizard frames Elphaba as a ‘wicked’ witch, and Galinda is cast as the epitome of goodness.

WICKED is about a lot but it’s also the backstory of how we come to believe Glinda to be the good witch and her sister to be wicked and deserving of her fate. The backstory to why there was so much rage that a town was ravaged. It’s the explanation as to how the wizard allowed his lies to turn the world on Elphaba so he would never have to be held responsible for his mistakes.

2020 is the year of pulling back the curtain. Some of you are very sad about what’s happening in our own version of Oz but I’m wondering why some of you aren’t ANGRIER  that the wizards thought you cruel enough to never question their motives? Why aren’t you irate that they took bets that you would be too busy profiting from your privledge to wonder why it existed in the first place? They assume that your drive to be seen as the symbol of goodness will  prevent you from ever truly defending your sisters.

Be sad but get angry! Use it to fuel your fight. Prove to them that you are on to them and MAKE THEM HEAR YOU!

I love men but it’s women who bring about change! It has always taken the bravery and courage of a woman to make a man listen. 

10 years from now, we will still be talking about this. People will ask you what you did and where you stood. Decide now if you want to tell them you were busy being Glinda. Or do you want to hear your future self proclaim that she stood up for her sisters and helped to dismantle OZ? What version of you do you want to face?

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. Maya Angelou

Kindness Aint That Hard

sundaribliss4 Comments

Throughout life there have been a number of things I’ve been self conscious about. My weight has never been one of them. My mother never talked about hers. Diets weren’t something that was discussed in our home. She was gorgeous, and she knew its though was never egotistical about it. She always made me feel pretty, no matter what weird adolescent stage I was going through at the time. And when I did come into my own, she was quick to tell me when my inside was shining uglier than my outside. She would also let me know when I was looking fly and who doesn’t appreciate that 🙂 My nickname was Moosie in my home, as a nod to my thick thighs, and it was ALWAYS said with love. 

Nickname aside, I was tiny most of my life. And didn’t care. I gained the normal amount in college. And didn’t care. As my mom got sicker, and died, I began to cook like a chef (and eat like one) and 5 years ago weighed 190lbs at 5 foot 8. Thicker than a snicker. And didn’t care. Weight looked good on me.

What I DO care about is my health. From fibroids to vertigo, excema and vitiligo, my body was screaming at me to get my shit together by the time I was 32 and at 35 I almost landed in the hospital. Again. Who cared what I looked like!? I didn’t FEEL good. I was working in Wellness, but I had never paid special attention to what certain foods were doing to my body and it showed.

And so I’ve been working at it! It takes time but I now know juicing celery is the ONE thing that keeps me on track. All of my symptoms go away. I’ve figured out that dairy and meat make my skin and digestion crazy and that if I don’t eat a ton of fruit I have weird periods. Deciding to give up my amateur butter laden chef habit meant that I lost weight. Moving on to a School bus and traveling full time takes adjusting to and my eating habits fluctuate. I’m 131lbs right now. I FEEL amazing. I don’t care about my weight. But everyone else seems to!

Recent comments said right to my face??
I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this skinny. / Oh My God!? / Are you eating/ John looks wonderful but you look so frail honey.

And the KICKER! That’s not how your man met you, you better be careful.

WOW! And what’s worse is that these all came from women.

How very lucky that my mama raised the woman she did… That I don’t have an issue with my weight. That my health is more important than my bra size. That I LOVE my man and his opinions but I also LOVE myself. Because HOLY HELL women can be really mean to each other.

Do not ever comment on someone’s weight unless they’ve asked your opinion. Can you imagine what one of those comments could do to someone whose weight was connected to something emotional or distructive?
Can you imagine if this skinny person saw YOU and said I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this fat! Or You’re looking so old these days!

It’s mean. And unnecessary. And none of my business. 

Your job as a woman should be to make the women around you feel like Queens. Be aware of how your words land. We are all here to raise each other up and make each other feel beautiful. Your lips are a doorway to feeding that or robbing from it…

The truth is these women love me. These comments were careless, not intentional. But maybe we should all work to be a bit more intentional. Become intentional about the energy a woman takes when she leaves your company. Women are the world’s Caregivers. Imagine if everyone taking care of someone else felt as worthy as they should? Imagine the impact she would leave behind. We are all responsible for that.

Namaste Y’all. Take care of your women. Kindness aint so hard.

3 Weeks And Counting!

sundaribliss2 Comments

We’ve seen 4 deadlines come and go so I don’t know if we’ll hit this one, but it’s good to have goals right?!? When we arrived in Elizabeth City, NC on April 1 the plan was to convert our school bus in 9 weeks. AHAHAHAHAH! I don’t know what the hell we were thinking. But I am SO grateful for that blissful ignorance! Had I known it would take 6 months, and the hottest July on record, I might have kept my ass in Miami and rethought my joining this building venture. J/k kind of

The truth is, this has been the best 6 months of my life. The hardest, sweatiest, most challenging 6 months I’ve lived through in a while but DAMN if I’m not leaving here proud of myself and BLOWN AWAY by this man I’m spending my life with.

He doesn’t actually know about this blog. So Sshhhhh 🙂 But in 350 square feet a girl needs space to clear her head and writing has always been that place for me.

You’re coming with me on this ride. Together we’ll see if John and I make this 3 week deadline. You’ll probably witness me cry here a couple of times, because what else is a looming deadline but fodder for dramatic tears?? And at some point I’m gonna turn the key on Eula Mae and drive off on this 2 year voyage around the US and Canada!

I’ll be documenting the road trip, the workshops, the food, the people, and everything that this Tiny Home adventure is about to teach me here on the Blog every Sunday!

Stay tuned and NAMASTE YALL! Mama has a kitchen to finish building today.

SUNDARI